I would like to share a little bit of the story behind this picture. I've known Wicca for long time now and I've known myself for even longer than that, but not as long as you are thinking.
Around 12 years ago, I had to go through, what it is so far, the hardest moment of my life. It came like a storm and I thought it was never going to leave me. Depression, phobias, fears, panic attacks, you name it. For a while it was almost impossible to even get out of my house, or stay in a room with more than two people, or teaching my students, or ... pretty much feeling that I was going nuts. And as somebody said the other day, whatever your brains tell you, you will believe, it's your brains, you know?
A month or so ago, I get this invitation to be part of the "Back to Black" event organized by CHIC with the main purpose to raise mental health awareness. Later on I was given the word "Courage" and asked to create an item inspired on the concept of “Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the overcoming of it”.
Around the same time, chatting with Wicca we come across the idea of creating an outfit inspired by her and she brainstormed for me a few words that I kept on a notecard.
I struggled for a month. There was no deadline for Wicca's outfit but there was one for the event. One day, don't ask me why, I realized two things. One, I was relating a lot with this creation, with the word, with the concept. Courage. It took me a lot of that to get out of the place I was many years ago. If somebody is looking for an advice, what worked for me was therapy, lots of it, and a couple of hours of yoga every day. I found myself, the one that was hidden and afraid. I overcame to my fears; I faced them, battled them and accepted them. They keep coming back sometimes, but I know them already and they are not as strong as they used to be. I keep fighting.
The second thought that came to my head was that the beginning of the outfit I had in front of me was not only about my own courage, there was something else in it. I looked for my notecard and read out loud the words Wicca gave me, they were all there. [16:22] Wicca Merlin: crazy, elegant , tight, extraordinary prims, satin, classy, avant garde, shiny, adult, non-symmetric
It seems that all these words, thoughts, memories and impressions had been bouncing in my head for while and they all came out in the shape of the “Lioness”. Who has an armor to protect herself, who has the strength of a lion and the fragility of the feathers; who has an open heart easy to break but that she has learned to protect; she decided it is better to keep it open giving as much love as she can than refrain the power of its love.
A little story that might inspire somebody else, It takes a lot of courage to walk through troubling times, but, you learn so much on the road, it absolutely worth it.
Poulet Koenkamp
Thank you Wicca, thank you Keira.
More info about Back to Black: http://www.chic-management.com
LM to the venue: http://slurl.com/secondlife/CHIC/75/106/26
